He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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