I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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