very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
