WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
