how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize