just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize