dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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