im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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