shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it hurts more in the daytime
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
