But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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