i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
