Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
