Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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