I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
