Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
