Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
