the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
