I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
