i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
