And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
