DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize