So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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