I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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