"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
