I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
