I am puke
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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