In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize