ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize