I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
either way he was missing a nipple.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
