i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
