Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I pour the whiskey from now on
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
