Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
