what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize