Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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