so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
