grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
