..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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