If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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