I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
