I met the friendliest cop last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
