well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
organizing the empties. That sober.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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