with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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