I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
