you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize