It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
