She's JV to your varsity
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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