Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
