what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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