Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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