she woke up with a sticky ear
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
