one two three fourrrrnication!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
