its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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