I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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