If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
