All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
