I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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