Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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