SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
