honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
