Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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