It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
