Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
