Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
