i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
