How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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