While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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