I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
