So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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