This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
literally had 100 drinks last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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