her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
