His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
