Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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