Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize