the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
