Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
