Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize