no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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