You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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