i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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