I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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