What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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