I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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