Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
