did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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