His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
