Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
whose parrot is this?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
