Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
