PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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