I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
