I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize