Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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