How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
