So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
