mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize