I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
