well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
