the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
